Assalamualaikum and HI !! It's have been a really long time since my last post . We already enter third month in 2017 . How fast time flies . Hmm , walaupun cita cita aku lepas dah habis sekolah ni nak rajin update je . Namun apakan daya . Cinta tidak bermaksud memiliki bukan      . Why you can't love me motivation . WHY ?!!  . I have a LOT / TONS of draft in my post list yang tak di post and i don't even know whats wrong with me . Either way here i am .



Writing have always be my soothing tool for my soul . It's my escapism . It help me to tone down my stress / emotions . Earlier this year , my exam result came out . Final exam   ( Semester 3 ) for my STPM year . The result was nothing like i expected . The result itself is very confusing . It make you go like " EHHHHHHHHHH EHHHHHHHH WHATTTTTTT " . I'm being serious , i was and happy at the same time . It is this mixed feeling make me like cendol . I don't know how to react . One of the paper i took / i mean one of the VERY IMPORTANT paper i took . I did not scored well in it . However for other papers i scored well ( Alhamdullilah )  . I was taken aback by the result of that one particular paper . I cry . Hard .



It does feel like the end of the world for a while . In those time i do feel like . Oh my god am i stupid ? Did i not study hard enough ? . I start questioning my self . Why this is happening to my self . Seeing my friend scored a well flying colour result . I'm happy for them . I really am . However there was this little tiny devil inside my head spring a slap of jealousy (( I'm sorry i love you all ))  . It make me goes astaghfirullhalazim many times . I guess its normal . However i'm glad the feeling was temporary .


On the same day i have a chat with one of my friends . I ask her how is her result . Then she replied said Alhamdullilah  and congratulate me . I was like why ? My result was not that good . Not that pretty . and then i ask her abt this one particular '' paper '' . Well she did scored higher than me in that paper . I was like okey . Then she add she said this " yadayada  rasa bersyukur dengan result yadayada  sebab tak ada fail . Semua lulus . Dah bersyukur sangat sangat . Kita dah usaha kan  etc etc etc "  . And i was like , okay . A pang of reality hit my face . I'm being ungrateful kid here . This is bad . I don't like to be like this . I start pondering . I know after all there is reason for all this thing . Allah know what the best for me . He know it all . He know everything in my heart before it in my heart .



After all , life doesn't always go the way we want .



Two days ago . My full result for my whole year in form 6 came out . Alhamdullilah it was unexpected . I scored well . Im so grateful . It surpassing my target . However aku tak adalah rasa macam hebat . Rasa macam biasa biasa ( but still i'm happy ) . I'm humbled by the experience . Maybe if i scored more well in sem 3 . or did more better during sem 2 . I will score higher . Mana lah tahu kan tiba tiba aku jadi bongkak ke terlampau banyak perasaan riak . Huish mintak simpang  (( this is the exact thought that came across my head when i'm on stage )) .  There is no word to say how grateful i am when i saw the result . I learn a lot from this experience , lesson that i can't learn in class : )




So now after the result came out i still wondering . Whats next ? Life is indeed full of surprise . One day , you have a lot plan for the future . Plan for every outcome you might face . The next day , you don't even have any plan left . Like it's sudden change in your life or what you want in life . Like a good research does not necessarily need to follow the plan accurately (that is what i read) . Your knowledge and findings will change it somehow. 



Last but not least , i would like to thank you for all who have been there thru my ups and down you know who you are  . and wishing all the best luck for all new STPM student . Give your best shot !












 //  what's next ?  //

















Now i'm start doubting abt this post LOL